News from the Noteworthy from LEAF Council on Alcoholism and Addictions

A Parent’s Guide to Handling Peer Conflict

We are a few weeks back into the swing of school. Kids are getting to know their new teachers, exploring friendships and discovering germs previously unknown to science. As the excitement and new routines settle, it’s an important time for parents and guardians to remember potential student challenges with peer relationships and the role they play in mitigating negative outcomes.

LEAF offers free evidence-based education to students in Otsego and Chenango counties. Our educators discuss difficult topics with local youth, such as identifying and mitigating bullying, rejecting peer pressure, making healthy choices, navigating conflict, and understanding the harmful effects of youth substance use. Through our programming, students are empowered to advocate for the health and safety of themselves and others. Parents and guardians play a vital role in taking these concepts and fostering them into lifelong realities.

Here are some helpful tips on how to support your child or teen during peer conflict:

Listen and validate—It is important for children and teens to remain communicative with guardians. If they do not feel listened to, they are more likely to remain silent during times of need. Give them the space they need to vent about their day without passing immediate judgments or offering solutions. Validating their thoughts and feelings will help build a foundation of trust.

Reinforce healthy boundaries and respectful conflict—Help your student recognize the need to set healthy boundaries from destructive peer relationships. Youth friendships are very important to feeling a sense of belonging at school, so children and teens can hesitate to speak up for themselves and others. Encourage them to use “I messages” when managing conflict. For example, “I feel lonely when you ignore me in the hallway,” or “I feel humiliated when you call me names in front of others,” or “I feel uncomfortable when you make fun of another student’s clothes.” This simple communication strategy is respectful of the other person and clarifies the feeling behind the other’s action.

Promote problem solving—Whether your child struggles with time management or peer issues, teaching them healthy problem-solving is a life skill. A simple pros and cons list can help students and adults visualize their best path forward. They may choose to reach out to the new student to explore a friendship, or determine that an old friendship is not worth saving. It is empowering to make their own decisions.

Watch for warning signs—If your child is being bullied or harassed, reach out to the school. Some signs may include not wanting to go to school, crying a lot, avoiding activities that give them joy, isolating, etc.

It takes a village to raise healthy children and adolescents. Families, friends, schools, community centers, libraries, businesses, parks and neighbors all contribute to raising the future of our community. LEAF is proud to be a part of your village and wishes everyone a healthy, safe and productive school year!

Tessa Davidson, MPH, is the executive director of LEAF Council on Alcoholism and Addictions.