DAH-DUM-DUM-DUM…
Santa Does Stand-Up
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barberqueue
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
A stick
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose
Two snowmen were standing in a field. One said, “Can you smell carrots?”
A man walks into a bar ….ouch
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas Eve”
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
One day my prints will come
When do vampires like racing?
When it’s neck and neck
What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing
What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?
Twerky
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Snowflakes
What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack
What do you give a dog for Christmas?
A mobile bone
Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew chew train
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with
Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days
How do snowmen get around?
By riding an ‘icicle
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy
What is the best Christmas present?
A broken drum, you can’t beat it!
What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
Annette
What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backwards
What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer
What’s round and bad tempered?
A vicious circle
How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed?
You’ve got three extra hoes
