Santa Does Stand-Up


Santa Does Stand-Up

Who is this funny man?
Who is this masked – and funny – man?

What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?

A barberqueue

Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

A stick

What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose

Two snowmen were standing in a field. One said, “Can you smell carrots?”

A man walks into a bar ….ouch

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

“It’s Christmas Eve”

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?

One day my prints will come

When do vampires like racing?

When it’s neck and neck

What’s a dog’s favourite carol?

Bark, the herald angels sing

What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?


What do snowmen have for breakfast?


What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?

He gives them the sack

What do you give a dog for Christmas?

A mobile bone

Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting?

Because they always drop their needles

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

What do you call a train loaded with toffee?

A chew chew train

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

He had no body to go with

Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days

How do snowmen get around?

By riding an ‘icicle

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy

What is the best Christmas present?

A broken drum, you can’t beat it!

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?


What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?

Santa walking backwards

What do you call a blind reindeer?

No eye deer

What’s round and bad tempered?

A vicious circle

How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed?

You’ve got three extra hoes



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