Be Afraid But Do It Anyway by Erna Morgan McReynolds

From a Tiny Dairy Farm to the U.N.

Being scared—you are right.” That is exactly what everyone who has spoken to me about my column has said. “You feel just like me. I am always scared. I loved reading that you were scared, too.”

Then I began to think of more times when I was afraid, like speaking at the United Nations. Doesn’t that sound like being a big deal? Not exactly—I shook all over. What if…what if…what if? And there are even more what ifs. But after staying up half the night worrying, getting my nails done, my hair done, having a strange man put make-up on me, I made it through security at the UN. The security itself seemed designed to induce fear. Barbed wire fence, security x-rays. Screening of documents like passports. Uniformed security officers.

Then, do you know how big the UN complex is? Good thing I arrived early.

I wandered through this immense complex, searching for the right location. This made me grow more frightened by the minute. What if I couldn’t find where I was supposed to be? What if they had to start without me, or had to find a last-minute substitute because I was lost?

After what seemed like hours—and pre-GPS—I found where I was to speak. I got situated with my mic in front of me. Imagine the General Assembly hall with a mic that could translate into 700 languages right in front of me. This was the room I had seen on TV and read about. Two other speakers and a moderator on a big platform. Our topic was gender equality. My part was gender equality in the corporate world.

Think of this. Here I am. At the center of the world. Me, from a tiny dairy farm on the outskirts of a village with fewer than 300 people. And I get to tell people about gender equality. In the corporate world. Wow.

Now is this when I feel confident? Nope. My knees are still banging together. My knuckles are white because I have my fists clenched to keep them from shaking.

When will I feel confident? After the moderator calls on me to deliver my talk? After I have answered all of the questions which the moderator posed? After I fielded questions from the audience? Not a chance. I am still afraid.

Am I less scared when I begin to greet the attendees? Holding a glass of wine in my hand? Sipping from it, looking out at the river? Finally, I felt more confident. Less afraid. How did I do it? How did I overcome that fear? I had no choice. I had to clench my hands. Grind my teeth. Hold myself stiff, erect. Figure out what to do next.

A question still remains—would I have enjoyed it more if I had not been afraid? Or is my life better because I was terrified and conquered my anxiety? I can celebrate. Tell you how scared I was, but that I did it.

Erna Morgan McReynolds, raised in Gilbertsville, is retired managing director/financial adviser at Morgan Stanley’s Oneonta office, and an inductee in the “Barron’s” magazine National Adviser Hall of Fame. She and her husband, author Tom Morgan, live in Franklin.