Be Afraid But Do It Anyway by Erna Morgan McReynolds
‘Come to the Cabaret, Old Chum…’
What makes you really afraid? Do you have a long list of things that scare you? How do you feel about getting up in front of a few hundred people to conduct an orchestra? Become the guest conductor? Maybe that doesn’t make you begin to shake, but it sure made me.
Here is the big question: Why did I end up in that position? People train to conduct orchestras. They are professional musicians.
Not like me—a girl who bumbled through clarinet lessons, band concerts, music competitions, marching band. Striving to be great, but undistinguished at best.
Why was I competing, trying to grab the baton and lead an orchestra? Because I was afraid. Afraid to lose the competition to conduct by not raising enough money to beat the other candidates. Scared if we didn’t raise enough. Back then, in the 90s, Catskill Symphony Orchestra was fighting for its life. Almost bankrupt. Every dollar we raised brought CSO, this gem of our region, closer to survival.
