Hawthorn Hill Journal by Richard deRosa

Reflections at Year’s End

Sitting here looking out on our hillside with the incomparable Art Tatum fingering those magical black and white keys in the background, my thoughts turn to, well lots of things, some pleasant others not so much. But then that is the music that life always plays, day in and day out. Handling disappointment and sadness go hand in hand with moments of pure joy as well as those moments when one realizes the value and comfort of contentment.

I remember many years ago sending in my first essay and feeling quite deflated when I had heard nothing one way or the other from the editor. So I plucked up what little courage I had and called, ostensibly to ask if it had been received. I expected rejection. The editor, after hearing my lame query, asked me if I had checked out the latest Freeman’s Journal issue. No, I said, I had not. Well, you should, she said.

And there it was, my first published writing. The column in those days was titled “The Timely Writer” (1998) and eventually morphed into “Hawthorn Hill Journal,” which then became the title of my collected essays published in 2012. It has been quite a journey, but not one without periods of frustration and some anxiety which, I now know, are not foreign to those who choose to share their thoughts with others. For instance, before getting this far in this essay I rejected quite a few starts, stared at a blank screen for what seemed like an eternity, questioned by what right I should be doing this foolish thing anyway because, after all, it is a lot easier and safer to talk to myself. Then somehow the sensations of joy and contentment came to mind (I thank Marcus Aurelius for introducing me to the profound significance of contentment) and I cranked out the first few sentences that have led me this far even though I am not at all sure where I am headed.